Shrink Shop

Let's review the checklist of things I need to complete before getting pregnant:

1. Buy a Car
2. Shop for a Shrink: I predicted this would take longer than buying a car. I am so far correct.
3. Finish 2008 taxes: I so loathe having to do this. Isn't there another blog I need to catch up on?

I did buy the car, which should be the topic of a future post, as I learned a lot of interesting things about car safety along the way. Basically, reader's choice won out!

On my mind now is the search for a new psychiatrist. I really wanted to find someone who specializes in treating pre-natal depression and anxiety and have it set up before my FET. I'm finding out a lot of good reasons for this.

1. It took me 3 weeks to do the research and make an appointment.
2. Once I did make the appointment today, it will be another four weeks before I could actually get in to see this specialist. I don't even know yet if this doctor will work for me.

The lesson is that this process takes a long time, which I already knew. If you have any inkling that you think you will have a problem with mental health during your pregnancy, you do want to find your psychiatrist before getting pregnant. If you are like me and thought that once you got pregnant that all your depression about not having children would vanish in a wave of euphoria, then you are going to be in big trouble. Once my mental health took a turn for the worse after the euphoria of initially finding out I was pregnant passed, I did not have the capacity to go through the search for a psychiatrist. I did try, but gave up after a few discouraging phone calls. Now that I am sane again, I can handle what seemed, when I was pregnant, an overwhelming task. I truly was sick at the time and needed help right away, not two months later. It's a sad story, but this is the reality of our ailing healthcare system.

Let's review the crap process I've already gone through in my search. First, I asked my RE for recommendations for psychiatrists in my area that specialize in prenatal depression. It took him a week to find those and get back to me. Of the two, one woman psychiatrist said that prenatal depression was not her specialty, but she could see me. She also gave me an off comment like, sounds like you just want medication management and not therapy, and that's not what I do. I didn't like how she misinterpreted my questions, so she was scratched off the list. Plus she is out of network with my insurance. With the next psychiatrist, I first had to get through the misinformation from his newly hired receptionist to find out that he does have some patients with prenatal depression he is currently treating, though it is not specifically his specialty. The problem with this guy is that he is out of network with my insurance and insanely expensive, $150 for half an hour. I'm always amazed that out of network shrinks won't work with you on their price. Scratched off the list. Next, take on the in network list of psychiatrist.

First, I called my insurance company to get a list of psychiatrists in my area. I had to endure the, "are you contemplating suicide?" before I could even ask my question. I was then given a bunch of misinformation and sent a list of psychologists, not psychiatrists that I had asked for. I decided just to do the search myself than frustrate myself with incompetent "mental health specialists" at my insurance company.

I printed off a list of all the psychiatrists within 25 miles of my house who are covered by my insurance and narrowed the list of 54 down to 6 women psychiatrists in my town or adjacent towns. Of the six, one had closed her practice, and four worked with other specialties. I did find one psychiatrist who does specialize in treating prenatal depression and anxiety, but only after talking with another male psychiatrist's office. I called her office four times in a week and did not get a response. I was a bit frustrated, but decided if I didn't get through this week, then forget it. Maybe they were on vacation last week, I don't know. I would have given up on this female psychiatrist, but I was going to make an appointment with another male psychiatrist who I was told specializes in prenatal depression by his receptionist. However, I had to call yet another person to actually make the appointment. When I talked to the appointment lady, she referred me to this other female psychiatrist instead.

Did I lose you yet? Yes, it was complicated and I'm going into all the detail to show how much research one has to do to find the right person. When you are in the throwes of serious depression and trauma, you can't deal with this overwhelming task. My other support fell apart too, because people, including my husband, were not used to seeing me my normal assertive-take-charge-in-control-self fall apart to a whimpering mass of protoplasm. I related this whole shrink shopping story to my husband, and he said he would have given up after the 4th psychiatrist. I called a total of NINE psychiatrists before finding the one, and I have not even interviewed her yet to find out if she will be a good match!!

Don't depend on your fertility clinic to help you out either. While my new RE did try to get me the proper referrals, which is more than I can say for my old RE who just pawned me off on their clinic psychologist who I didn't care for, the referrals were not psychiatrists who specialize in prenatal depression or postpartum depression! If a fertility clinic has their own psychologists, they specialize in treating the stress and depression that comes with infertility, not after you get pregnant. I believe the assumption, which was mine also, is that all would be well after getting pregnant. There are women like me, who have problems with all the hormones of pregnancy and it affects their mental health. As far as I can tell, it's similar to post-partum depression, though the actual mechanism in the brain is probably a bit different.

When I was pregnant and depressed and anxious, the doctors I was seeing either 1) ignored my depression or 2) judged me for not taking the Prozac I was prescribed. When an anti-depressant makes you more anxious, you don't have much motivation to take it! Hence the reason I am insisting on seeing a specialist in the area of prenatal depression and anxiety. If a doctor had said to me, "here is the specialist you should see that is covered by my insurance" that would have helped a lot. But out of three doctors who saw the state I was in, none of them gave me any recommendations for a psychiatrist. You truly have to be your own mental health advocate, and when you are mentally unhealthy, all you want to do is crawl under the covers and stay there. I did the best I could at the time, and I really wasn't seeing the right people. I hope I don't go through the same thing again, but I'm going to be prepared this go around.

Ed note: Upon proofreading this for the 10th time, I finally noticed that I started off with "before getting pregnant" not "before my FET". I was going to change it, but then I thought, how cool is that?