Monday, January 5, 2009

The Year of Loss

New Year's Eve is usually a time to reflect on the previous year.  For me, it was just another blow, just another loss to top off an incredibly crappy year.  Let's review the year's losses:

  • lost my mind
  • lost my pregnancy
  • lost my equity, at least half of it
and to top it all off, New Year's Eve
  • lost my car
After waiting for over two weeks, my insurance company finally decided to total my car.  I was bummed.  My car represented to me something that I bought that I totally loved.  After buying a house that turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes in my life, I bought my car and I loved it.  

After The Reading with the author of " Ba.bies", I was very disoriented.  It was as if I was in that spiritual plane.  I should not have been driving, let alone been talking on my cell phone while driving.  My boss called me.  She was making sure I was going to take care of some things before I went on vacation.  I told her I was coming in.  I told her I would take care of those things, but she just kept asking me again.  She heard the whole thing.  She heard me screaming on the phone.  It was deja vu to me.  I had two premonitions about the car accident that week, two feelings of screaming on the phone while getting into a car accident.  I thought I was just having another anxiety attack, that my craziness was coming back.  I was distracted driving and made a bad judgment call.  But for whatever reason, I felt it was meant to be.  I have mild whiplash.  Parts of my face still goes numb, which kinda freaked me out at first, but I'm getting used to it.

I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. Although I loved my car, which was a 2000 Toyota RAV4, I'm thinking that maybe I should buy a compact SUV that has a better safety record, like a Subaru. My mothering instincts are telling me to buy the car with the better safety ratings and side air bags if I'm going to be transporting a baby around. Besides, it's just a car.  I can get over that pretty easily.  I would like to get opinions from my readers, so I will put a poll up. Which car should I buy?

Let's recap the good things that happened in 2008, and there were a few bright spots in The Year of Loss:

  • I learned a lot about trauma first hand.  I know this sounds like a weird thing, but the trauma of my pregnancy highlighted the trauma of my childhood.  The trauma of my car accident did not have any emotional baggage associated with it, so I am learning how trauma stays in the body and mind.  That's one reason why I think the car accident was meant to happen.  It's all this circle, and I think getting to the source of all the traumas in my life will ultimately be helpful.
  • Magic's hip surgery was a success.
  • Fluffernutter, my cat is still alive at 19 and still holding on.
  • I had one of my best gardens ever with a killer basil harvest, which I am still enjoying.
  • I sold my house.  I lost half my equity and more money just fixing up the place to sell it, but it's gone.  I won't be losing any other money on that.  I bought when the market was high just after Bush came in office and sold when the market was at the low just before Bush left office.  I needed the money in my equity and I didn't want to wait 3-4 years to the market to recover to sell it.  Plus, I would have had to sink more money into my house to keep it up.  Thanks a lot Mr. President.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out of office!!
  • I paid off most of my outstanding bills.  I'm out of debt, for now.
  • I found out I really didn't lose my mind.  From The Reading, I discovered that I was in tune with what was happening on this other spiritual plane.  Sorry to be vague, but most people wouldn't really understand.  Nevertheless, the whole experience sucked.  Oh wait, this is supposed to be the happy list...
I thought 2007 was bad.  2008 was worse.  Regardless, I do know that things could be a lot worse.  I just hope 2009 will be a better year for all of us who need it.


B MoM said...

oh no, I hope you are ok from your accident!!!! That is scary! Be careful of who reads your blog too, I wouldn't want your insurance company reading this blog and then doing something to your rates.

My 2008 sucked big time. I've come up with a rhyme...2007 just like heaven, 2008 not so great, 2009 will be divine!

Phoebe said...

Don't worry. My insurance company already knows what happened, with my car accident that is. I'm sure they will raise my rates. Maybe they will charge me double for not having children. C'est la vie.

Phoebe is also a pen name, so I don't have to worry about who reads my blog. My real name is Iva Hadanufwiddis. I just changed my name to that as my New Year's resolution ; )

Duck said...

2009 will be better, 2008 was some sorta freak year where we good kind people got screwed by the world, it won't be like that this year (and I'm with ya 2007 not so good either) but we all have to have the downs in order to get those ups.

Denver Laura said...

Sorry to hear about your accident! It stinks that they totaled your car.

Personally, I love my Subaru Outback. It's kinda hard here in Colorado to find it in a parking lot (they multiply in the rain), but I still love it. It's great on snow, offroad, onroad... And hauls tons of stuff.

QVC said...

Sorry to hear about the car accident - and I am glad you are safe. I hope your boss feels some guilt for distracting and haranguing you while you were driving and also gave you some time to heal and recover.

I drive a Honda Accord and think it is safe and stable. Not sure what to recommend if you are looking for a mini SUV type car though.

I will join you in happily putting 2008 to bed and hoping for better things in '09. Just a few more days before Obama takes office - things are looking better already!

Phoebe said...

Yes, my boss did feel really bad, and I'm getting some of my treatment covered by workman's comp. She now has a policy of not talking to anyone on the cell phone while driving, which I totally support!! She also told me that what struck her was how quick it all happened. That was good feedback for me because I know I couldn't have reacted any quicker.

Lost in Space said...

In the midst of a really tough year, you were able to find some really great things too. I know how hard this can be to do.

While we're bashing 2007 and 2008, can we throw 2006 under the bus as well? Here's to hoping for a great year after this streak of ugliness.

Lori said...

Wow. What an ending to that year.


As for the poll, I want to suggest a Honda CRV. I got one when DD was a baby, and it's served us well for 7 years.

I think you may be a person for whom the seen and the unseen are merged. It's both a gift and a curse. Maybe someone else who has this gift can offer you some guidance. Does that make any sense?

astral said...

I vote for Toyotas all the way!! I've had both Toyotas and Subarus. I would never buy another Subaru again--when something goes on the car it's alot of money. I have had a Toyota Tercel and now I have a Sienna. My parents are huge fans of Toyota-- 2 Camrys, 2 Ravs, 2 Highlanders and 3 Toyota trucks. We have never had a problem with any our Toyotas!! Good luck!!

DAVs said...

I'm really sorry about everything you have been through. Sometimes it feels like it just won't end! But you have found some high points and that is admirable.
Goodbye sucky 2008 and hello 2009--which at least holds possibilities and some hope!

battynurse said...

Hope you are recovering from your accident. As far as the car recommendations go, I have a Subaru Forrester and LOVE it. I don't have kids but I know the safety rating is pretty good. It's easy to drive, gets around great, is a little lower to the ground than some other SUV's (easier for the dog to get in the back in my case) and is a super reliable car.

Megan said...

I just voted in your poll. I bought a RAV4 a year ago and I love it!!!! I got Bluetooth in mine, couldn't live without it!!!

Anonymous said...

it's got to be better!! i'm so glad that house is off your hands. and glad you're getting workers' comp for the accident. i can't imagine what your boss must have felt after what happened!!

here's hoping for a wonderful peaceful 2009 full of GOOD surprises and lots of love :)