Sunday, January 11, 2009

More Lunacy

I felt like a lunatic today. I'm not PMSing, so that can't be it. I'm blaming the moon. I never do well during the full moon. The last full moon I had my car accident, and it was when the moon was closest to the earth. This full moon was the same situation, the closest the moon will be to the earth in 2009.

I saw an astrologer before my first IVF cycle. You do desperate things when spending $20k a pop on getting pregnant. I found out that the my most fertile time of the month is 3 hours after the new moon. It coincides with the cycle of the moon when I was born. I think this is why I don't do well during the full moon. My first IVF cycle was not timed right for the moon cycle, but I thought it was a bunch of hooey. After I did not stimulate well and I had my IUI, I was cursing that full moon. I knew it was screwing with my fertility. I won't make that mistake again.

And now time for Question and Answer from a couple of posts ago:

Q: Did the man who did your reading have any suggestions as to when would be a good time to do a transfer or what conditions were conducive for her to accept you?
A: I did get a vague answer about when to try next. Let's just say that Magic and I are in negotiation with our baby about when she will be ready to come.

Have you considered meditating before/after the transfer to encourage her to come to you?
A: I'm supposed to be doing this every day now. I slacked off for a couple of weeks, and don't usually do it when I am tired in the evening. I think this is vital, establishing communication with my baby now. If you want to hear it from the source, click on this link and listen to Podcast #17, "Why communicate with your baby?" You will find it under the right menu titled "Previous".

Q: In regards to the FET - have you considered doing an FET at another clinic - transferring the embryos to another place, that you have never been that has no feelings associated with it?
A: This is exactly what we have decided to do. I've been assured that the clinic that we are switching to does this fairly often. I didn't get any indication that it would be problematic in terms of using the medium that our embryos were cultured in from our old clinic.

It was difficult for me to switch. I had a lot invested in the old clinic. I also really wanted them to take responsibility for their actions, but I didn't really have any indication that they would. Therefore, there was no reason for me to stay with them, especially considering how hard it was to get a hold of my RE. I had to run the gauntlet through the receptionists and nurses. God forbid I had a life when my RE did call, and I couldn't take it if I was in a meeting at work. He would get a bit frustrated if he had to keep calling me back. I would reply, yes that pesky job gets in the way! I think the final straw was reading in my medical records about the conversation he had with another doctor I saw while I was pregnant. I was shocked that he was not concerned enough to call me about my mental state after this other doctor called him to inquire about the anti-depressants he had prescribed me. I was no longer his problem.

My new RE is very responsive via e-mail. Once I let him know that we were ready to proceed, he e-mailed me back that he would have his staff call me to schedule my appointments. I thought, yeah, right. Sure enough, they called me the next day. I can't remember that ever happening at my other clinic. Actually, I was kinda hoping they wouldn't call me. I don't think I am quite ready. I had a dream last night in which I was pregnant and having a panic attack.

Which made me realize I have not found a new psychiatrist yet. In addition to the tests I need to have done to prepare for my FET, I also have to find a new shrink. That task seems daunting to me, but an absolute necessity. I'm not going into this without a back up again. That really was lunacy.


DAVs said...

I am glad you are getting such good treatment at the new place! I wish you only the best of luck with the upcoming cycle.

Lost in Space said...

I'm so glad you are moving on, Phoebe. You deserve so much better than what you received from your old clinic. I'm hoping for only good things for you with your FET. One step at a time.