Call me "Crash"

Everyone knows that the hormone rollercoaster is a given when you are in the thick of your cycle, but what about afterwards, when you get that BFN?

I decided to go back to Dr. F, my famous acupuncturist, who I took a break from for a year. He can help me with hormone stuff that Em, my other acupuncturist, can't, though he is clueless about IVF. After Dr. BloSunMyCha would not monitor my DHEA levels, I asked Dr. F to do it. I had to go off the pregnenolone I had just started taking for a week. I'll get the test on Wednesday. It can't come soon enough.

I think I'm having a hormone crash. I'm getting PMS symptoms and taking no hormone precursors to jump start my system again. I do think I ovulated, but my BBTs have been all over the map. My ovaries are confused.

I read two blog posts today that freaked me out. First was about a C-section incision busting open. I thought, ew, I don't want to do that, but chances are I would have to have a C-section because of my previous myomectomy to remove fibroids. Then, I read a post about a woman's PPD with anxiety. Talk about flashback, but I had that PPD/anxiety when I was pregnant. No one warns you about that. I've made myself sick on chocolate and lack of sleep in the last day and a half. I feel nauseous and panicked. If I didn't know better, I would think I was pregnant.

It seems that my expensive fertility treatment habit is now turning into an expensive car wreck habit too. Yeah, had another car accident last Wednesday. I'm ok, physically. The car isn't. I got a new lesson in trauma reactions, one I could do without. I froze in reaction to being startled while driving. Not good when there are other things moving around you that don't stop.

Seriously, this whole infertility gig sucks.