Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Answer

I did not send my e-mail right away to Dr. BS. I needed time to calm down and make sure I finished it when I was not so emotional about the issue. I began drafting the e-mail Monday night. This morning, I woke up early, and realized that I needed to make a decision by Friday about starting EPP, in case my period comes early. I finished the e-mail, and sent it off to Dr. BS at 6:30am. Being the incredibly efficient and punctual man that he is, he replied by 11:30am. It truly is the one thing I love about this doctor, his accessibility.

I needed to send Magic an e-mail about something else, so I logged on to my personal account, knowing that "The Answer" could be there. My heart pounded. It was there. I read some other e-mails first. I considered waiting until tonight to read Dr. BS's e-mail. I had already surrendered myself to "whatever will be, will be". I finally got my big-girl-panties on again, and opened the e-mail. I will paraphase the answer here. I have changed all the names and exact wording to protect the innocent.

"Dear Phoebe,

I hope that you have been well.

At our last regroup, I told you your eggs were crap and that you should use donor eggs (ed note: you only kinda recommended it after the fact, being the super sweet nice guy that you are). You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting pregnant, let alone having a live baby. We here at BigShotFertilityClinic would not normally let someone like you ruin our statistics. But because you wanted a "last shot" at IVF, I was going to be nice enough to let you do IVF with polar body testing required. The pregnancy rate for polar body normal embryos is 17%, and by the way, don't forget that it will be a cold day in hell before you get a polar body normal embryo.

Obviously, I can not make you do the testing (ed note: really? then how could you "require" it before?), but I can't imagine why you wouldn't want this wealth of information on why your eggs are crap? If you insist on doing IVF with your own eggs, then I will require that you have 5 follicles that will be mature by the time of retrieval as determined by me. I hope you don't feel any pressure here about me cancelling your cycle, but if you agree to this, then you can waste your money on this cycle.

Have a nice day.

Dr. BloSun"

Crapping my big-girl-panties over here.


Jill M. said...

Please tell me you changed the email response significantly... I can't imagine Dr. BS would truly send an email written as is. I would imagine that he would be in trouble if he had.

Sheri said...

He's punctual, but not full of great news OR good with his bedside manner (at least not in the paraphrased version).

I'm sending you positive thoughts as you move through this. :)

DAVs said...

WTF? So he's saying he'll "let" you do a cycle with your own eggs, as long as there are five mature looking follicles at trigger?? But then he peppered the entire email with suggestions that it won't work? Geez.
I don't even know what to say.

I guess the real question now is--what's YOUR answer back?

BIG GARGANTUAN HUGS PHOEBE. I wish I was there with you right now.

Phoebe said...

Yes, I changed the e-mail significantly. I embellished it for comic relief, cuz wow, yaa gotta have a sense of humor about this, but I think I captured the essence of it. He basically requoted all the numbers he gave us before, including the one I had to read in my clinical notes. How would you describe less than 1% chance of live birth? To me, that's a "snowball's chance in hell" type statistic. But that's just a number. We were given equally low statistics on IVF risks on our last cycle that ended up happening to us, so we are a bit jaded on statistics.

The question is, is he right or not? Only one way to find out. I just didn't want to waste my money and effort on doing polar body testing to get an answer that could potentially negatively impact my embryos. He did not address any of my concerns that the polar body testing has not improved pregnancy rates at BigShotClinic. Kinda blew me off on that one, but I didn't really expect much.

Now, do I have the ovaries to challenge BigShotClinic or not? That is the question.

For DAVs: yeah, gotta have the 5 mature follicles or it's a no go with my eggs.

Mad Hatter said...

No chance of going to a different clinic at this point? Just thought I'd throw that out there...You know, even if he cancels the IVF because, say, you only have 1-4 follicles (did I tell you how much I hate Dr.BloSun? Dr. BlowMeYouSonofaBitch?), can it be converted to 2 back-to-back IUIs? (IUI 2 days in a row)? Is this possible? At least if there's a Plan B, you know you've still got a half-decent shot for your buck if Dr.BloodyIdiotSuckRocks pulls thr rug out from under you. I say go for it and show Dr.BlowYourHouseDownYouCocksucker that he's fricking wrong.

Infertile In the City said...

I think he is an a-hole. I didn't understand why they just would not let you cycle (I now understand that it is all about their stats and they are being selective a-holes trying to maintain their stats). Did I mention a-holes already?

I don't like Dr. BS or the big shot clinic - I mean WTF - you don't have "great stats" if you are "selecting out those that will not be successful" - it's just really the WRONG WAY TO RUN YOUR CLINIC, and again, a-holes.

Cancelling you if you don't have 5 follies? Will you loose your cycle fee?

Sorry, long letter, but, I am pissed off for you.

Phoebe said...

For Maddy: I have toyed with the idea of going to another clinic that specializes in high FSH, but their stats for my age group is worse than my FSH. BigShotClinic has the best stats for my age group anywhere that I know of. If you can find me a clinic that can beat 30% pregnancy rates for 43 year olds, then I'll consider packing my bags. Of course, those are not the stats we are being quoted. Plus, I'm spoiled enough to live in BigShotClinic land.

Secondly, Magic has 2 samples of 0.5 ml of super concentrated frozen left. Doing IUIs at this point would be like ejaculating into the wind. I'm done with IUIs. What a waste of time and sperm it was to have already done two.

For Infertile in the City: I've been cancelled before. You only pay for what drugs you used plus the monitoring fees up to that point. You get all the rest of the money back, at least this is what happened at the clinic-across-the-tracks.

I'm reading between the lines about the stats thing, but I figure, I'm not going to make their stats for my age group any much worse than it is right now. I also don't think polar body testing is going to help with those stats.

Mad Hatter said...

Right. Yes. Sorry I forgot about the limited know, it really sound like you know what you want to do. And that's good that if it's cancelled, you won't lose too much money - it seems like there's not a lot to lose in trying, right? I guess their stats are so good because they really do only go forward when there's a really good chance. What does Magic say?

Sweet Georgia said...

Oh Phoebe, what an asshat Dr. BS is! It's obvious the polar body testing is for his office's research - not for your benefit. Argh! Such a tough decision to make. How many follies have you had in the past? That would be a pretty good indication of what you'd get this round. Sorry you're stuck having to make this decision. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Mo and Will said...

Love your version of the letter. wow. makes total sense to me to skip the polar body testing. the outcome with that procedure seems to be crap.

so what'cha going to do? thinking of you and wishing you well.


kayjay said...

Having dealt with that particular doctor before I could almost imagine him being that blunt but it still stinks when he actually is that way. I'm sorry. Geez - that requirement for 5 mature is a tall order and having that extra added pressure sure isn't helping things is it...tell him that you require HIM to have a better beside manner before you will line his coffers again and cycle and see what he says!!! Tough call and I don't envy you and your decision.

Me said...

I *know* your post isn't supposed to be funny. But it did make me LOL for reasons that people who haven't met him can't fully understand.

So you taking a big breath and diving in?

Phoebe said...

I'm glad someone found it funny!

Lost in Space said...

As much as I hate the content of your email, I very much appreciate the wit.

It seems you are at the crossroads of "take it" or "leave it" with other clinics not on the table anymore. I wish I had any useful advice. Would you regret if you didn't at least try?

Beautiful Mess said...

Hmmm interesting reply he sent. I'm sending you lots of love and thinking about you. I will be here for support anytime you need/want it.