You Are a Smart Bunch!

This enhancing your fertility gig is my second job right now. Unfortunately, it does not leave me much time for blogging. My addition of frozen wheatgrass juice and vegetable juices seem to be working. Now, if I just had some time for sleep!

TMI Alert Ahead (You've been warned)!
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I am having the most crrraaazy cervical mucus. I shared this with my 51 year old friend, who is currently pregnant with twins from DE. She said, "you mean like the stuff I had back in college?" I said, "yeah, that's the point." I'm completely in awe. It's like back then, when I was in college and I didn't really understand what all this goop was in my underwear. Only now, I feel like I am blowing snot out my va-jay-jay (I did warn you). Em, my acupuncturist, says that you can't have too much cervical mucus. Not a problem right now!

You all were right about the Elk_and_Fairy art work from the card I pulled (see last post). I interpreted it as showing that I have lots of follicles left, and there is one, the big one the fairy is pointing to, that must be "the one". The elk is not my husband. Actually, I thought it was a stag, which is my patronus, another good sign.

It has been hard, staying the course. At first, I was very confident in this new path, but it's a major effort everyday. I question myself constantly. I think of myself as 43, but in reality, I'm still 42!! I really have to work at not letting those negative thoughts get the best of me. The grief started to creep back in as well. Em helped me this last session with communicating with the spirits, including my spirit baby! I didn't know she had it in her. It was very interesting. I also got feedback to trust myself and to continue the juicing! The feedback I got was that it doesn't matter what the number of my age is. The juice is helping to reverse the aging of my cells by preventing oxidation and clearing out free radicals (or something like that). Yes, this was the feedback from Em's spirit helpers. My instincts are right on!

I will request to be retested in September. That will be 90 days since I started the juicing, and about as long since my last lousy test results. If all is well, I want to start the estrogen priming. We'll see if my doctor goes along with my plan. I still have not done a follow up since my test results in June. I figure, what's the rush? I do need to take care of that. One step at a time. Let's hope I can turn the clock back with this crazy juicing obsession of mine.

It's in the Cards

I use cards as an oracle to get guidance. The deck that I have been using for the last couple of months has been the "Magical_Messages_from_the_Faires". Some of the backstory of how I came to use this deck is here. I recently discovered that Weebles Wobblog's sister, Sheri, who also happens to be an intuitive, does weekly readings on her blog, Wild Women of the Universe, pulling cards from various tarot decks and interpreting them! She did a wonderful reading for me on Wednesday. Go check it out!

Part of my inspiration for juicing was brought on by cards I was pulling from the deck. When asking about what I could do for my health/fertility, I pulled the "Vegetarian" card. I thought, I'm not going to go back to being a vegetarian. I knew that I needed to get more vegetables in my diet. I was already eating as many vegetables as I could cook in a day and was frustrated by trying to figure out how to eat more. The only way I could practically get more vegetables in my diet was to juice them!

I recently used my deck again for this question, "what guidance do you have about my fertility and having a baby at my age?" (or something along those lines)

I drew this card from the deck, "Travel". I didn't get much out of the message, which was

An upcoming trip proves to be life-changing in positive ways.

I was actually disappointed in the card.

What I have learned about this oracle deck is that the words are not always what I should be paying attention to. As I stared at the beautiful artwork, I realized that there was a very profound message for me. Click over to this page to see the image. Do you see what the amazing message is? Please tell me how you interpret the Elk_and_Fairy artwork. I'll follow up with an update on what the message I interpreted was!

Hint: only women who have had frequent ultrasounds on their girly parts will probably pick up on this one.

Feeding the Elephant

I was serious about my last post. Juicing has taken up all my free time and money. It is amazing how much produce I go through in a week. It's like feeding an elephant!!

This will be a quickie post because my life has been completely taken over by work this week, and I have 10 minutes (better type fast).

After drinking fresh vegetable juice twice a day for a week, I had the best CBC blood test ever. For once, my protein levels were normal instead of elevated. My cholesterol rocked at 154. I've also noticed some other improvements. My cycle was 25 days long! Those of you who have been following my blog know that this is one day longer than my average. I thought this past cycle would be a bust with the hot flashes and high FSH, and surely AF would have come earlier. Also, I had no spotting before my period this time. I still have hot flashes, but not as much or severe as the beginning of my last cycle. The down side is that my period was pretty scant. Ah well, Rome wasn't built in a day!

I've also gotten a lot of questions, like, does you juice taste good? Why yes, it does! Here is one of my favorite recipes:

3-4 kale leaves
4 sprigs of parsley
3 carrots
1/2 apple

Juice the greens first up to 1/4 cup. In general, don't drink more than a 1/4 of greens or anything from the broccoli family, like cabbage, at a time or it could upset your stomach. For me, drinking juice from kale is like drinking a glass of milk. Since I don't do dairy, I have to get my calcium from somewhere! Next, juice the carrots and 1/2 apple up to 1 cup of juice. Add more carrot if you have less than 1 cup. Stir well. Mmmmm!

Also, thanks to Jill for turning me on to frozen wheatgrass juice. I found a brand called Evergreen Juices that is carried at my local health food store. The taste is much better because this wheatgrass is grown outside for a longer period of time than inside for short periods of time in trays that can have problems with mold. It's like drinking lawn clippings, which to me tastes better than icky sweet fresh wheatgrass grown in trays. I have a lot more energy since combining both juices, sometimes too much energy!!

Gone Juicing

Now that I'm on a two glass a day juice habit, my little free time has been sucked up by prepping veggies and cleaning up. I did invest in a new juicer because my cheapy one was so loud, it was waking everyone in the house up in the morning. I was about to have a riot on my hands. I can now juice to my heart's content in the morning without any of the sleeping beauties slamming doors in irritation.

I have to say that something seems to be working with the juice. I know it's going to take awhile to really see a difference, but my whole attitude has changed from doom-n-gloom to "failure is not an option". I just have a feeling that this is going to plump up my wilting ovaries. I wake up feeling happy instead of anxious or depressed. Today is day 23 of my cycle and I have not gotten my period with narry a spotting in site. I've been high-fivin' my ovaries all day. You see, my last two cycles have been a whoopin' 22 days long. "Normal" for me is 21-24 days. It's been that way all my life. With my crappy Day 2 results this cycle and hot flashes, I just assumed this would be an anovulatory cycle and I'd get AF by day 19 (it's happened before, though rarely).

A few days after juicemania started, I decided to get a shot of wheatgrass at Whole Foods Paycheck. Even though I sipped it, I thought I was going to hurl afterward. Wheatgrass is the most veilest of juices. This stuff is good for you? I even tried mixing it in my veggie juice at home and I couldn't finish it. A dab will do you. I read in Julia_Indichova's book that she drank it because she read somewhere that it improved the fertility of cows. Well, since cows eat grass, I can see how they would do well on wheatgrass. Now I know why my cats always puked up the grass they ate. Although I feel bloated like a cow sometimes, I don't have four stomachs. Nevertheless, I will start adding wheatgrass to my juices in small quantities because it's supposed to be so great for you. No more shots for me. It's like drinking a strong shot of pure stevia - ick.

I fear that if this juicing really works, I'm going to become a fanatic, like this spoof Jim Carey did of Jay the Juiceman:

The Reading #2

The day after our BFN, I called Walter. I needed to know what happened with our spirit baby. I needed to know if she left. I needed to know what I did wrong. It's been almost three months, and we finally had our reading.

Our spirit baby is still with us, but she has been laying low. She is grieving too. Walter said that all of my feelings of sadness may not be my own. Sometimes, she is hanging off our necks and crying. Unfortunately, he did not get much information from her about why she did not come. From the answers to the questions I asked, I got the impression that it didn't have anything to do with Magic or I.

At first, I felt happy after the reading because at least she is still around. But I also feel hopeless, which makes me feel incredibly sad. The reading made me feel as if there is nothing I can do at this point. Alternatively, I feel I have so much to do and I fear that if I put that much energy into it again, I'll just end up heartbroken once more. I worry that she will not believe me when I tell her that I love her and that I really want her to come. All I can do is try to move through the grief and depression. I also have to try to keep my fertility up for a few more months, a feat that is not easy at my age, especially when you feel the situation is hopeless. The reading confirmed that the grief and depression are not doing anything for my fertility, which I already knew. We can not rush this. The earliest we will try again is fall, if that is still an option for us.