He's Leaving

I received a "Dear Jane" letter the night I got home from enlightenment training. He's leaving, Dr. Wonderful, my surgeon savior. The letter had no forwarding address for him. It was a bad sign. I knew he must be leaving the state.

I had been meaning to see Dr. Wonderful, but it didn't materialize before I left on retreat. I promised myself I would do it right after the retreat. I just didn't want his leaving to be the motivation.

I was worried about seeing Dr. Wonderful. I didn't know what I was going to say to him. I was nervous about how he would take the news. It's too bad he didn't deliver babies, or I would have picked him for my OB when I was pregnant. Now, I needed to know if I had any new fibroids. My uterus has felt different since being pregnant, and I've worried that it's been a big fat fibroid lurking underneath my belly fat.

I immediately broke down in tears when I told Dr. Wonderful the story of my failed pregnancy. It's the first time I've done that in front of a doctor. Usually, I can keep it together long enough to have my breakdown in the car or later at home, but my story is just too sad. Then, the words came out of my mouth. I didn't know what I was going to say when he asked me what I was going to do next. I said, "I want to try again, but I'm not ready... emotionally." That was clear to me after seeing him. I was pretty shook up, and this was after seeing a doctor I love! I'm not ready, but this is my first step towards getting there.

Dr. Wonderful is leaving because he can't make it financially here. He's a progressive surgeon who does minimally invasive gynecological surgery. I had my laparoscopic myomectomy (fibroid removal) with him, but this was after seeing three reproductive endocrinologists, the first two who adamantly told me I couldn't have my fibroids removed laparoscopically. Not only could Dr. Wonderful do it, he didn't even bat an eye when I asked him if he could handle my "difficult" case. My first RE who manhandled me in a "pre-surgical exam" lectured me about how he couldn't do my surgery laparoscopically because of the location of my largest fibroid, on the posterior side of my uterus. I couldn't fathom having my uterus completely removed outside of my body, after moving the bladder and intestines to the side, then shoving it all back in again and in hopes that it would work. Lots of women have abdominal myomectomies, but I didn't want to have my abdomen sliced open if I could prevent it. Unfortunately, doctors aren't progressive enough around here to refer their patients to Dr. Wonderful for minimally invasive surgery, even though in the long run, it would be better for their fertility and certainly a lot less painful for the patient. If you live in the Tuscon area, Dr. Wonderful is coming to a new hospital near you very soon!

We did the exam without fan fare. He said, "you've had this done a thousand times". I said, "sadly, yes, it's true". I couldn't see the ultrasound monitor very well with the glare from the sun, but Dr. Wonderful explained how I had this small thing that he didn't even know if it was a fibroid at this point. It's a little less than a centimeter in diameter, probably about the size of a marble, if it's even a fibroid. It's in the same area where I had my large 8cm x 4cm fibroid, and luckily it is on the outside of my uterus (subserosal). I'm going to treat it as if it were a fibroid, and not ignore it. I've kept them at bay for two years since my surgery, but I stopped doing some of the things I was doing to prevent them from coming back, like weekly acupuncture and Chinese herbs, and I had started eating dairy and a lot of chocolate again. Oh, and I haven't been working out on a regular basis since January. I don't know if I can put the effort into everything I had to do to keep the fibroids away. It's a big effort, but it's for my overall health in the long run, not just the health of my uterus.

Dr. Wonderful is the only regular type doctor I know that I hug. We hugged each other at the beginning of my visit and we hugged again when we said goodbye. I hope he will come back when all the old fart OBs retire or die off around here. It's sad, but he's a doctor before his time, at least in these conservative parts of the west.