Monday, September 22, 2008

Broke, In More Ways Than One

I'm not really one to count these kinds of anniversaries, but the anniversary of IVF (failed) #1 is coming up, or is it here? I just know because the credit card I charged my IVF to for one year of interest free payments is coming up. I thought I would have paid it off right now as I had planned on selling my rental house, that I used to live in, before I shacked up with Magic. The housing market hit an all time low last week, which does not bode well for the selling of my house. There are something like 80 foreclosures in the same zip code as my house. Whereas I could have gotten a home equity loan last year to finance my IVF, I decided to put it off by getting these interest free credit cards for a year. Now, I can't get a home equity loan because lending has gotten that much tighter in the past year and the value of my house has decreased. Crap. I'm feeling stressed and tired. I can't even think about a frozen embryo transfer now that a loan is out of the cards. The Feds bailout of the mortgage crisis seems iffy too.

I remember having an attitude with IVF of going-for-broke, and I guess I am. It was all such a big gamble that all went so terribly foul. I wish I could point fingers for blame at my doctor, myself, or god, but there is no use. What happened happened. I really don't think I could have changed anything, not in the state of mind I was in. I can't even afford trauma therapy now. It's all just so depressing.

7 comments:

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Oh, Phoebe, I'm so so sorry. How awful. I do know a therapist who's worked with Levine in Somatic Experiencing who works on a sliding scale (I'm not sure how low she goes, but she did work with me and my insurance to make it affordable for me. Let me know if you'd like her info. In the meantime, hugs and more hugs to you.

Spicy Sister said...

Ugh. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. What a craptastic reminder of such a hard experience for you. Wish I had more helpful things to say. I just send you hugs and hope for an unexpected financial windfall for you.

Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry you have this new reminder. The stress and the heartbreak of IVF is enough in and of itself. The financial part just takes the whole process over the top.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else right now. Sending you many hugs, my friend.

Lori said...

Do you or Magic have an EAP program through work? I've gotten some excellent (and free to me) counseling through them.

Wishing you some peace. And maybe a winning lottery ticket?

geeksinrome said...

I'm so sorry you still have those house-woes!!! It's been a nightmare.

And how awful to be reminded of a failed procedure with a big fat bill in the mail... If the hugs and kisses I'm sending were worth anything, dude, you'd be rich-o-la!
:)

Geohde said...

Phoebe- I am so sorry. One of the suckiest things about IVF is the cost. It's beyond a sting in the tail when it doesn't work to still have debt...

J

Geohde said...

I am so sorry. These sort of anniversaries are tough, especially when there's still the bill to remind you,

J