Ready for the Knife

I found the perfect birthday card for Magic. It says, "you make the simplest things seem like an adventure". Such is the life with Magic. Our life together is not boring. He's made the decision to go under the knife in less than two weeks. Luckily, he found out he is a candidate for hip resurfacing instead of the full blown hip replacement. Just to make things interesting, this is also right around the time he finds out about a make or break event at his work.

I'm kinda glad he is finally getting this surgery. In fact, I asked him about a month ago, "when are you going to get your surgery so I know when we can try again?" I told myself I wouldn't think about trying again for at least three months, but I can not help it. When I ovulate, I can't help but heed the call of nature; "must have baby now!" When Aunt Flo arrives, I can't help feel the pang of loss. Life would be so much simpler if I didn't want children. My body has other ideas. This has nothing to do with reason.

I still feel like I'm not ready to have kids, but I'm not getting any younger. As it is, if we had a baby today, Magic would turn seventy and our kid would still be in high school. I feel kinda bad for Magic because of this. I warned him that this is what you get when you marry a younger woman without kids. I'd like to be able to enjoy our golden years together before we get too old and decrepit to do so.

With Magic's recover and travel plans we have at the end of August, I'm thinking October is the absolute earliest time we would try again. We have totsicles on ice. Even though I know they are in suspended animation for a very long time, I keep thinking about them.

The next couple of weeks are going to be stressful. I need to be strong for Magic to support him. He was there for me, staying calm all during our second IVF and pregnancy. I hope I can be there for him.