And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard-Dixie_Chicks "So_Hard"
First, I want to thank each and everyone of you who have been leaving me comments during this difficult couple of weeks. I really appreciated the comments from NoodleGirl and Niobe who educated me about epigenetics, or the ability of the pregnant mother to turn on certain genes. I have never considered this possibility before. This really does help me let go more of my genes. Also, thanks to all the gals who have struggled with this issue, have made their peace and found happiness in having a child through donor eggs. Thanks as well to the gals who are in a similar situation as me, still struggling with the idea of donor eggs and still in limbo land hell.
Magic and I talked. He wants to try again with my eggs. I can not blame him, and I want to honor that. For me, I kinda feel like I'm fed up with my eggs. But I also realize that if there is any chance to do IVF with my own eggs now is the time and BigShotFertilityClinic has the best stats for my age group.
I am reluctantly agreeing to one more cycle with my eggs, but we still have to get past Dr. BloSun. After requesting 10 days ago for my clinical notes from our follow-up appointment (does it take an act of God here people?), I finally read in writing that Dr. BS is requiring us to do polar body testing if we do IVF with my eggs. For those of you who have never read your clinical notes from your doctor, do it. I always learn something new. For example, the new thing I learned was that Dr. BS is giving us less than 1% chance of a live birth. Neither Magic nor I recall him telling us this in our last appointment with him. I call this "emotional blackmail". It's the donor egg talk without the donor egg talk. It just makes me burn. I mean, really, why not just have the balls to say no, you can't do IVF with your eggs?
I'm so angry that I have to try to convince him out of the polar body testing. I will make my case in an e-mail and send it tomorrow or the next day. Decision time is here. No more waiting. I have nothing to lose, since apparently, he gives me less than 1% chance of having a baby with my own eggs anyway. I'm not doing IVF if polar body testing is required. It will be a lot of heartache for nothing.
